Tired Mind, Clearer Thoughts

My mind feels too tired to think today.

The administrative nature of my daytime work is energy draining. The tasks themselves aren't difficult—they don't require deep analysis—but my brain isn't naturally wired for this kind of work. As a result, I end up feeling mentally exhausted, even without a strong sense of productivity.

This weariness feels different from the fatigue that follows when you put in a lot of effort to come up with something original, creative or insightful. That kind of tiredness comes with a sense of satisfaction, a sense that something inside you has expanded. Administrative work, however, feels more like completing chores. You're glad they're done, but the primary reward is simply the relief of being able to move on.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to complain about my work. There are other aspects of it that are challenging and rewarding, such as managing people. To be more precise, it's not the management I enjoy so much as the opportunity to observe human nature up close, which never fails to fascinate me. I can feel disappointed, frustrated, and annoyed with the same person I also appreciate and admire. Sometimes I feel conflicted by these contradictory emotions, but time and experience has taught me that they are entirely normal. I no longer try to fit people into boxes of "good" or "bad." They are simply human, and adopting this mindset has helped me become more accepting and kinder to myself. If I can forgive others, I can forgive myself.

This brings me to a key insight about forgiveness: I've found that most people are aware when they aren't being their best selves. This becomes clear when you can overcome the impulse to accuse or defend. You don't have to even respond with kindness; you simply need to calmly show that you're unhappy with their actions without casting judgment. You become a witness to their humanness. Of course, this is much easier said than done. It's immensely difficult to set aside your own discomfort to make space for someone else's growth. I've failed at this more often than I've succeeded, but each success builds a little more confidence and trust —in both myself and in others.

This train of thought leads me to a realization: perhaps the key to managing people more effectively is to have greater control over yourself. In essence, if you can manage yourself well, others will follow.

What has your experience been?